wisdom and foolishness

"But when the Gospel comes, that the child Jesus is to be preached, it belongs to it that we must understand that the holy are the greatest sinners, the wise the greatest fools, and the quiet and upright in heart the most bloodthirsty murderers. And certainly the Gospel has no more bitter enemies than high and prudent and wise and virtuous and holy folk. They more advanced they are in such virtues the more bitter they are against the gospel as we see." -Luther via KB. (From "The Man of Sin" in Dogmatics IV The Doctrine of Reconciliation)

This passage has the same effect on me that Flannery O'Connor's story "Revelation" perennially does. In O'Conner's story, an uptight, moral, old lady realizes that the crazy and grotesque (by her standards) lead the procession to the gates of heaven. She looks up from feeding her pigs to see the lame dancing hideously, and the idiots yelling and shouting in a MOST uncivil way responding unhindered to the glory of God. She is infuriated and humbled, and the ending is ambiguous. How can this moral and upright woman be saved?

For me, it comes down to a Mary and Martha moment. Martha is in the kitchen, angry that she's left behind, and Mary is happily sitting at the feet of the Lord. I get angry at the thought- my blood pressure rises perceptibly. It's NOT fair God, I say, it would all fall apart if really some of us weren't holding it up. You may have criticized her then, but you surely enjoyed your dinner later. (translation: ungrateful jerk.)

I am proper. I wear pearls. I apologize when I visit friends and I am wearing sweatpants. I would hope to count myself among all those people who are holding the world up so that other people can sit at the feet of Jesus. That is my sin, that I can't get out of on my own. The belief that I am somehow good enough to work while other people are allowed to sit at the feet of Jesus. Or that I am somehow not good enough to sit so that other people can. It's hard for me to go off script, because off script the real danger is misstep. Off script, faux pas are 100% more likely. And proper people don't do faux pas. (That's code for 'proper have trouble admitting to sin.') My sin is propriety. (KB and Augustine will later helpfully name that pride.)

The gospel exposes all my propriety for just what it is: a shallow version of real hospitality and "other-centeredness." But all this has left me worried: what if I am too type A to be holy? What if I am doomed to be the eternal Martha. I'm always defending Martha: because i see myself in her. I want to do things the right way. Somebody has to host them all. I'm always wishing I could choose Mary's part and keep propriety somehow. But the reality is that the bread of life has already been given. It's not my job to cook the food. But the temptation is always to be cooking. Is it possible to be damned by southern hospitality? I hope not, but I'm distinctly afraid it is.

love,
A