Yawning... how do I make it stop??

So I've realized that I have a weird neurological response to stress: I yawn.

This is not the first time it's happened. The worst moment for this disastrous stress-response is leading worship, especially at a new church. I have to do everything I can to stifle my yawns during the sermon or worse, the scripture. I like finishing my part early in worship, because it decreases my stress level and the yawning magically clears up. But heaven help me if I have to lead the offering or pray after the sermon. I can't stop yawning.

It happened to me again this morning but in a more suitable location: the library. It's not nearly so necessary to suppress said yawns when I'm in a room full of bleary eyed students too focused on their computers and books to notice me yawning incessantly. This week is going to be insane, it's like my body knows it doesn't get to sleep so it just yawns ahead of time as a warning, "Hey Anna... know what you're going to feel like Friday morning? Like this... yyyyaaaaawwwwwnnnnn. Yup, just like this yyyyaaaawwwnnnn." Irritating.

All that to say, If I'm ever yawning at you during an inappropriate moment: like armageddon, or World War III, please know I really do sense the gravitas of the situation and am yawning in response not out of lackadaisical carelessness.

Or if you can tell me how to learn a new anxious habit, and stop my yawns please speak up!
A

Robert Frost

Robert Frost always has just the right words... especially when it's cold and you're ready for spring. This one asks for the first storm that brings the spring.

I second Frost's sentiments :o)


To The Thawing Wind

Come with rain. O loud Southwester!
Bring the singer, bring the nester;
Give the buried flower a dream;
make the settled snowbank steam;
Find the brown beneath the white;
But whate'er you do tonight,
bath my window, make it flow,
Melt it as the ice will go;
Melt the glass and leave the sticks
Like a hermit's crucifix;
Burst into my narrow stall;
Swing the picture on the wall;
Run the rattling pages o'er;
Scatter poems on the floor;
Turn the poet out of door.


hope you enjoyed it- stay warm!!
A

Never too Mature or Intelligent

Running an errand a few days ago with Joelle, I commented to her that there are a few things I would never out-think or out-mature. At that moment I was referencing pop music, specifically Lady Gaga's new track Bad Romance. I try to make this sound smart by saying she's doing social commentary, but let me be honest, it's just downright catchy and i like the sound of it. I realize that this is not an intelligent thing- Lady Gaga and Brittany Spears are certainly not "smart" artists (whatever that is.) But i simply love them because they are fun and make me smile.

Ever since that afternoon I have been compiling a list of things I will never become too intelligent or too mature for. If I ever out-grow some of these things, I will worry that I take both myself and the world much too seriously. In short, I'll need to lighten up. Here are a few of the things on my list...

1. Pop Music: its' just great. Whether its Miley Cyrus or Brittany Spears, Lady Gaga or even Ace of Base: I love pop music. It's not the music for every occasion, but it is the music for enjoying a bright and delightful morning. It is definitely the music to sing to while making the two hour drive home.

2. Cheesy Romantic Movies: It might be a girl thing or it might be a me thing, but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for a good romance. I love the way my heart feels when guy gets girl and vice versa. It's sappy, it's predictable, it's not at all smart, but it's happy. And sometimes I cry because it may not be like real life, but it's a moment for joy none the less.

3. The Blue Box: Kraft Macaroni and Cheese: Nothing beats the blue box blues. Despite loving homemade mac and cheese, I love Kraft. On a cold night when comfort is hard to come by the blue box never fails to disappoint. Pour in boiling water, add processed cheese mixture, milk, and butter and your heart will be strangely warmed. I've considered writing an article one day on the Eucharist of the blue box, but feel that's probably not a good idea. But it causes me to give thanks and remember that Jesus love me, I won't lie.

4. Bad Jokes: now let me be clear here, I do not mean raunchy humor. I do NOT enjoy gross humor. But I will never fail to find two coconuts banged together in representation of horses hooves funny. "We want... a herring!" It's ridiculous, nonsensical, utterly absurd. But none-the-less, never fails to bring a smile to my face.

that's it for now, but I'm sure I'll think of more. For now:

"Never loose your childish enthusiasm, it's the most important thing." -Catherine, Under the Tuscan Sun

Love, A

Eucharist: Giving Thanks: ok a little sappy.

Prior to the CH 13 exam each year, Chaplain Bates and Dr. Smith host the first year class and any other stragglers to the Lord's table for some spiritual nutrients. I know that I say this about everything, I need to cut back on the phrase but, "it's my favorite service of the whole year." No, it really is. It's very simple: no preaching, just scripture and communion. In that way it is not unlike Duke Chapel's Tuesday afternoon Eucharist. But there is nothing like gathering with the family you will soon write about on the exam for a solid meal beforehand.

Anyway, this morning I had the privilege to service as Sally's liturgist at the service and leading a few prayers and reading Isaiah 43, a personal fave of mine. First of all, Isaiah 43 never gets old: go read it, I'll wait.

....


I know, it's amazing, huh? Anyway, during the distribution I was sitting up in the chancel with a good clear view of all the first years. I prayed for them, that they would do well on the exam, relax, and keep going through their first exam week. I prayed that they wouldn't forget to enjoy their time at Duke. I prayed that they would learn and grow as much or even more than I have since coming two and a half years ago.

Through that prayer for them, I remembered how very much I have to be thankful for in this place and in this time of my life. I'm glad it wasn't obvious but I teared up, seeing my best friend sitting in the back row- two years ago today she was saving me a seat so I could worship before the exam. She does things like that, she gets it, and for her I am so thankful. And I remembered my other best friend, at home pouring her brain into twenty pages faster than most humans can manage. I prayed that she'd make it, and i knew she would. She's spunky and teaches me how to be. For her I am so thankful. I thought about the other members of the cloud of witnesses I have been gifted to know in this place: the really brilliant ones: who read and digest so much information in a day it baffles the mind. I thought about the few that love so deeply and would not stop short of laying down their lives for a brother or sister. I smiled thinking about the witty ones, full of humor and ready to laugh even at the most serious stuff. I giggled, and I was thankful.

I gave thanks for all that I have learned here, especially the history and liturgical tradition of the Church. But more than that for the ways in which I have learned how to learn. I know that sounds SOOOO Duke Divinity, but get over it: I'm a Duke Div student and I'm ok owning it. I've been taught how to look at the world through the lens of the revelation of God in Christ and through the church and it's a much better picture than most people ever get to see. My roughest day still revolves around thinking about how people become God's people. I am so thankful.

And I got pretty teary, realizing that some of those first years will get to experience this place in the same way that I have: surrounded by people I love, learning everything I possibly can about the God who loves us all. And I was really grateful in advance for them.

It's kind of sappy if you think that way. But I want you to get to be grateful with me- that's what Holy Communion is all about, being thankful.

Love & Hugs,
A

When I finish Exams

I am now living on the notion that I'll pretty much be finished with exams in T-2 days. After that only one left, and it's my dessert, enjoyment, fun class that I procrastinate for other classes with.
Right now I'm making a list in my head of things I want to do when it's finished.

Here's the (abbreviated) list of things I miss that I have on tap for the days following exams while I'm still in Durham:

finishing LOST seasons 2 & 3: I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE OTHERS ARE AND HOW THE HECK THEY GOT THERE?!
reading Outer Dark by Cormac McCarthy
reading Housekeeping by Marylinne Robinson
reading People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks
reading (finishing) Rites of Initiation by Maxwell Johnson
starting to read Jasper and Cumming and starting to skim Dix, The Shape of the Liturgy for my paper due in Jan.
getting a manicure
going to the gym, maybe every single day. because I can.
sleeping eight hours a night for multiple nights in a row
watching the documentary on Rublev that's next in my Netflix queue
seeing Joelle before she leaves, who I haven't seen in days- which is more unusual than you'd think for two grown women
doing my laundry and vacuuming my house
sleeping, maybe sometimes in the afternoon, just because i feel sleepy
cooking food, and inviting people over to eat said food on a kitchen table not covered by textbooks
seeing friends in an environment that doesn't require whispering or leaving as quickly as possible to finish a paper.
maybe a little Pride and Prejudice? I think so.
rereading and/or watching Emma


the smell of freedom: just enough to get me through the next several hours.

love,
A