Submission Calmly Considered... well, Considered

It happened again earlier this week. This is not he first time it's been brought to my attention. But every time it is, my skin crawls- and not even because I'm a little more 'liberal' than some. It makes my skin crawl because I'm uncomfortable. The conversation before hand usually runs something like this...

Other person: "Wow- that's awesome- you want to be a pastor. Good for you."
Me: "Well, I don't know about awesome. I'm not a superhero or anything. But I'm looking forward to it."
Other person: "So do you still want to get married?"
Me: (groaning inwardly and trying to dodge the coming question) "Hah- well no prospects right now but who knows maybe one day!"
Other person: (hardly deterred): "Well yeah, but I mean, if you're a pastor how can you get married? Because if you're the pastor then you'll have to be the spiritual head. Are you still going to submit to your husband?"
Me: "Oh wait, you mean I'm a woman? Well crap that changes everything."

No, not really. By that time I'm usually really groaning (inwardly at least). First because that's an extremely personal question to ask somebody you don't really know well. Second, it's because I have no idea how to answer such a question. I feel more comfortable with Dr. Rowe's giant open-ended theologically laden Johanine inquisitions than this question.

Spiritual head- what does that even MEAN? I honestly get this really funny mental image of me (very serious of course), cassock and chausible clad handing down imperial and theological dictums from a very raised ornate pulpit. Hysterical. As much as I'd love to be Queen Elizabeth I reincarnated... yeah right. Beyond that the only thing I can come up with is being somehow "closer to Jesus" but you can't base that on gender anyway. So first- I can't answer to being a spiritual head because I'm not entirely sure what that even IS. And I haven't found anybody who can actually define it without saying, "you know- like the head." Not helpful.

But the second part is really the most problematic for me. The submission. Umph. Ouch. Submit, will I submit? First response, "hell no, have you ever met me? Do you have any idea how obstinate and headstrong and just generally scary I get when ordered about?" But, luckily an interior filter and common courtesy tend to shut that visceral response down pretty quickly. Which is a good thing. By now I've muttered something about Galatians, slid something about Christ's love of the church and exegeting the hastafeln (sp...) from Ephesians, and changed the subject...

And then I'm stuck, pondering the question until I can get it out of my mind with some more pressing issue...

The first consideration is that if I did ever get married it would hopefully not be to someone with a Napoleon Complex who ordered me around. I mean honestly- after a vetting process you pretty much end a relationship that involves acting in such a manner. Nor could I see myself marrying a completely theologically unreflective person, so that debunks the "closer to Jesus" issue. Which, again, that's just unmeasurable ANYWAY, so much more goes into faith beyond theological reflection no matter HOW important it is.

The second consideration, then is Philippians 2. The model for the Christian life is submission. Since my goal is, in fact, to allow the mind of Christ to dwell in me, I am forced into a, "well yes, I will submit because that's how the God of the universe calls me to reveal his glory." But I think it's a different kind and definition of submission than what is assumed in the question, "will you submit."

The overwhelming testimony of the gospel is that glory and submission are one and the same- because Glory is Love and Love necessarily entails "considering others better than yourself." So all of our baptismal dignity shows forth not in some "headship" theory: but in our commitment to 'Love the Lord and neighbor." So any marriage called "Christian" assumes not one person's submission, but two people's love.

And I want to stress that I think this is essentially different than a simply cooperative model of marriage. I think 'co-leaders'sounds crazy for one, but for two that seems to me a secular humanist version of something much deeper, broader, and wider offered to humanity by God, in whom all things hold together. IT's not just about cooperation, marriage (the actual sacrament) is about transformation. It's not cooperative, it's co-submissive. It's the opportunity for two people to be transformed by the renewing of minds, hearts, and spirits by loving one another... hmm as Christ loves the Church. Is it possible that "submit" and "love as Christ loves" mean... the exact same thing? Maybe it's not even a both/and but a one-and-the-same.

And let me add that the really cool thing is- single people get to play too! And not just in an "i'm dating Jesus" kind of way! Because it's not a question of gender anymore- it's a question of discipleship. As the beloved J.Cam would say- "will you submit to your husband" is by far the wrong question. Better question, "are you submitting to the God of the universe."

So I guess the answer is same answer from my baptism, "Yes, with God's help"

Grace and hugs y'all,
A