interesting

So I read this pretty interesting chapter in the Richard Foster book, Prayer, I'm going through. That sentence amazes me because it has a lot of legitimate capital letters. Thats not often that you see five, no six, capitol letters in a sentence unless somethings wrong. Anyways, the chapter. back to the chapter. It was called "The Prayer of Relinquishment" (keep in mind this is different from resignation). Generally it was about allowing our will to be cruicfied... and to pray that we surrender everything encompased in a will, hopes, dreams, wants, needs- all of it, to the cross and let them be radically transformed through the resurection. It was about surrendering control, and trusting the Lord not only to take over, but to redeem things. Now, if you know me at all, you know that i am fairly fixated with control in most areas of my life- school work, my clean house, how loud thigns are, where I am (i used to drive everywhere i went so i would never get stuck anywhere)... But praying for discernment means relinquishing that control. Like Pride, thats a battle I will allow Christ to fight wiht me forever, because that is likely how long it will take for me to give up my healthy pride that I can control things and make them better.
I've been thinking about this chapter all day. Wondering if God will ever take control away from me, and if I will ever trust his goodness. I know i will one day, He can teach me, but it will be a long lesson. Simultaneously, I'm thinking about a new study for IV- a prayer study for older believers to walk in prayer with one another. I've had a vision of our chapter being in prayer as well as service for a really long time now, and I've felt the need for this group since about march when this idea popped up and wont seem to go away. But i worried. I still worry. What if our chapter doesnt want to pray? What if they dont want to make time to go to the Lord ever day- heaven knows I am far from faithful. What if they think its dumb? most of all, How would such a thing be STRUCTURED? that last one was sticky for me. So i justified us not needing such a group. Well, outreach is our focus this year; not prayer and inreach. Small groups dont typically go that intimate, maybe it wouldnt be appropriate anyway. But talkign to Andy LaGrange tonight I realized that none of those thigns have really been whats bothered me. What bothers me is that I cant plan it. Walking with brothers and sisters in prayer cant have a gameplan, to some large extent I will have to rely on the spirit to move. that scares me. What if it stays still? Will people still give it a chance?
I havent brought it before the Lord until today though. I th ink I am finally in a place to allow it to be cruificied. If it is resurrected, then I will go with the Lord down that path. But until th en, I'll have to be content to wait. It's a huge moment that the Lord has done there. I'm no good at waiting.

just and interesting idea. it's a good book.

love, anna